Sometimes I wonder if they actually care, if they're actually bothered about what I think. Do I really annoy them like I think I do? Do they actually like me?
This sounds ridiculous, I know... I'm well aware of how insecure this makes me seem. Unfortunately these are questions which pass through my mind regularly. These thoughts aren't helped by the constant headache I have, especially today -- the person I sit next to at work has the loudest voice in history and seems to shout even when he's trying not to. Not sure how that works, but it's making my achy head a million times worse!
My wonderment's, are stupid... honestly, I know they are. I just feel so lonely, ever so lonely!
Don't get me wrong, I have people around me, a fantastic boyfriend and I do have friends..
The only problem is, my friends only speak to me when I contact them... it never seems to be the other way round, which is where the question: "Do they actually like me", came from. It makes sense noh?
I feel like a bit of a spare part, like I'm in the way and it's almost a chore that they have to come and see me. Just because I've moved a 15 minute drive down the road, it suddenly means that they don't ever invite me to events, I hear about "Drinks with the girls" or "BBQ's with the gang" on FaceBook, and wonder what I could have possibly done to warrant being ignored.
I know, I know, you're probably thinking "well, if you weren't such a miserable, moany cow... " - the thing is, I have a pretty good wall, through which -- none of these feelings can be seen. I tend to put up a pretty darn good front and remain happy and bouncy and my "usual" self around everybody. That's the reason I had to start this blog, to keep the negativeness away from my main blog -- the one which revolves around beauty routines, food and anything else which I think people in that type of community might like to read.
It's also here to act as a diary, a journal, whatever you want to call it. I'd rather type than write pages and pages out in a notepad (as I've mentioned before). I also don't trust that the diary wouldn't be found and read by my friends...
This is so stupid! I think I'll get back to work and try to ignore the humongous pain in my forehead... it's right above the eyebrows, my frowning doesn't seem to be helping it either haha! Hopefully the above vent will help me feel better for today. Maybe not though...
Thanks for listening
No comments:
Post a Comment